Sunday, December 19, 2010

Healing and Trying

Prompt: Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

Prompt Author: Leoni Allan
2011 Creating Your Goddess Year

I'm just not going to go there with the "physical" healing part of this because I'm having a really bad pain day.  So I'm going to go with physical's counterpart, "emotional" for this post.  Many would say that they are intertwined and connected, and I totally agree.  However, no matter how much "work" I do on the emotional stuff, it really doesn't seem to be affecting how I feel physically.  So, having addressed that part of it...

Saying good-bye to a former boyfriend this year was part of my emotional healing.  I won't get into all the facts of it because facts don't even begin to cover the subtle nuances of any given relationship.  Also, if I just gave the facts, you all might be prompted to say things like, "Why the hell did you stay with him for so long?", and "That must have been really hard!" and I'm not looking for judgement or sympathy.  I would also feel inclined to acknowledge my own shortcomings in the relationship, and trust me, my journal knows those all too well.  No need to rehash them here.  Let's just say that emotionally, I'm glad that relationship is over and I think we're both better off without each other.

Another part of my emotional healing would be re-committing to life, in general.  I had all but given up on any sort of  "normal" life.  Well, what's normal, anyway?  I'm sure that most of you reading this have had some major curve balls thrown your way and you've had to adapt.  I am no different.  Sure, the physical pain makes me want to go to sleep and never wake up sometimes, but I have a son that I love more than life itself, and for him, I keep going.  And I might as well make the best of what I've got while I'm here.  So that is what I am trying to do.

My mom sets an example for me, daily, on getting the most out of life.  I wish that I were more like her just naturally, but the universe handed out the cynical/pessimistic gene to me instead.  So instead of coming by it naturally, I'm going to have to work at it.  And I'm okay with that- it gives me something to do when I'm busy at my pity-party blowing up self-hatred balloons by myself! 

Music, writing, art, and movement heal me.  I wish to continue these forms of emotional healing for myself in the coming year.  And one by one, I'll pop those damn balloons!

Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?

Prompt Author: Kaileen Elise

I want to try getting my art into a "Show".  I've been in a few before, but they were all in the beginning/middle of the decade, before the pain started.  I've got a ton of excuses- seriously- but that's all they are.  Excuses.  I don't have the $30 entry fee.  My pieces are too big to frame properly.  I don't have a car to transport my artwork.  I'm not good enough (really, still?).  I don't have anything new.

And I can come up with all the reasons that my excuses are bullshit, too.  So, yeah- this is something I wanted to try this past year, but the excuses won again.  As far as what happened when I didn't go for it, well, you're lookin' at it.  Nothing.  And that's the problem.

this post a part of Reverb10: Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.


  1. Yes, pop those balloons. I smiled when I read that you inherited the pessimist gene, I always felt that way about myself until very recently. Now I no longer feel that way about myself, and I am glad, although the journey to get here took a long time.
    And by the way, you are good enough.

  2. Ooh! A show! How fun. Your pieces are gorgeous and neeed to be seen. I can hear them whimpering in the corner - frame me, hang me - show me off!

    This is awesome. All of your excuses poured out like that just gave you an excellent task list. Start finding solutions for them and check them off one by one :)

  3. I absolutely LOVE the last image! The color is brilliant and I just love the human body. Get that into a show immediately! Your blog readers will push you :)

  4. I like how you've identified the things that heal, writing, art and movement. I also like how you know yourself well enough to not pretend to be overtly optimistic, and to accept that cynicism wins sometimes, and that's perfectly okay. But the thing I like most of all is your amazing piece of art you posted...GORGEOUS!

  5. MrsM, thank you, and I plan on looking to you for guidance on leaving that pessimism behind;)

    CS, you totally crack me up- my artwork is totally in the corner saying that! And I think I will write down a solution for each excuse- it will be a good exercise:)

    Jenn, thank you so much for your encouragement! It's so nice to hear good things about my work:)

    Jess, I often fluctuate between being a realist and an idealist. I guess that's part of being human; thanks for your suuport and your compliment!