Prompt Author: Jenny Blake
Life After College: The Complete Guide to Getting What You Want
Let's see. Ten years ago, I was going through a separation/divorce and my son was two at the time:
Dear Younger Emily (23),
This is one of the hardest things you will have to deal with in this lifetime, but by no means, THE hardest. You are doing the right thing for everyone involved, so just remember that when the doubt and second-guessing comes in to play. Sweep the guilt and the shame out the front door, too; they are not welcome playmates in this game and serve no purpose.
Your son will be okay. It's okay to wonder "how would things have turned out if I had stayed?" It's healthy to wonder such things, but don't dwell on them. Let him know he is loved, and that a house full of love is how you want him to grow up. If that means two houses of love, then that is better than one house fraught with anger, resentment, and fear. He will find that, one day, that means more people in his life to love and who love him.
You are about to start a job that you will LOVE and it will lead you in the direction your heart has been yearning to follow for some time now. You will meet wonderful people and make life-long friends at this job who will support you far beyond this time of separation. They will cradle you in the hard times, laugh with you in the good times, and share with you in abundant times.
Sometimes "survival mode" is what you need to be in to live through certain events. You may be in it for some time, but the relationships you forge in the future are so worth it. Believe it or not, you will be friends with your ex-husband and his new wife; they will even invite you into their home to stay when you need a place to sleep.
Your son will prove to be a most intuitive boy and have many lessons to teach you in life- one of those being a choice you must make for the best interest of his well-being. You will have to make a heart wrenching decision in 2007 that no mother should be forced to make, but knowing that you are doing the right thing for your child will give you some relief. However, every tear you shed over this decision heals you in some way.
Stay strong; I know you are tired of holding it together. Take time to heal in between jobs, school, and raising your beautiful son. If you neglect yourself, things may get worse. Believe in yourself; you have talent and you have heart. Those two things go a long way. Your emotional and sensitive soul tends to take things very hard- each "thing" that you take has something to teach you. Don't numb out- listen. And listen well.
Older Emily (33)
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: I will try again tomorrow." Mary Anne Radmacher
this post a part of Reverb10: Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. Use the end of your year as an opportunity to reflect on what's happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.