I realized that no matter what external situation I was in, I had a choice. That choice laid quietly in my heart, mind, and soul just waiting for some reflection. And I finally chose to move out of grief and into the great unknown.
originally uploaded by Hans Pama
I feel like Reverb broke me open and allowed a safe space for me to open up along my path of reflection; the people who came around here have meant more to me than they probably know. The support that comes with community is amazing if you let it in.
Shame is something I've likely carried around most of my life, though I couldn't exactly tell you why. But taking it out of its dark and gloomy box, shining some light on it, and examining it last month made me feel almost foreign without it. It has become such a part of me over the years and now that I've decided to throw that box away, I'm intrigued to examine why it's been around for so long.
I've got some ideas, but I also need to guard how safe I feel sharing certain things online. There are parts of me that would send some of you into a shock-induced state of stupor. But there are also parts that would have you lauding my courage. Isn't all of this what makes us human?
As I continue reflecting (I don't think it should end just because some made up calendar year is over), I hope to examine all different aspects of myself and celebrate each one, for all of those things make me who I am today. And I'm starting to like myself more and more.