Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I Blame Pandora

And I could probably blame another year of my life passing for the whiny melancholy of my last post. I would apologize, but that's part of me. It's part of me that I've been reluctant to share at times, and at times, it just flows out of me like the fresh, salty tears that make their way down my cheeks and neck after a late night episode of Grey's Anatomy (can't believe I just admitted that). The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. It's easy to just show one side of you on the web, but there are so many sides to all of us, so why not reflect that? I always seem to come back to this blog when I've been away for a while, to just... vent.

I remember last year around this time, I wrote a "letter to my sisters" about my frustration at yet another year going by without any answers- when I'm supposed to be in the prime of my life, but just going out for coffee needs to be planned for days ahead of time, so I can prepare. Luckily, I hadn't fully explored Pandora yet and didn't know that cello music could literally pull the tears from the ducts of my eyes and hold them so close to the skin that it felt like my soul was the thing doing the crying.

But I also don't want you all to think that I am depressed all of the time. Because I'm not. For a long time I thought that the way to deal with feelings was to try to ignore the difficult ones and revel in the fun ones. In this past year, I have started learning (and practicing) how to feel the range of emotions and how to subsequently deal with them, and not just numb out. I'm not completely comfortable with the process just yet, and still cling to the TV, the internet (damn you, Pinterest!), and popsicles as various ways to deal with sadness, guilt, boredom, etc.

On the upside, I finished a painting for a web designer friend of mine who built a website for my sister's business (you know, the painting I teased you about here). It was a barter situation, and there are still a few things that need to be worked out on the site (like him teaching us how to use it so we can update it!), but it was a really fun process. I asked him to send me some examples of artwork that he liked; he did and then told me I had free reign over the subject matter. I didn't hate the examples he sent me- they weren't my style, but they were colorful, and I love an artistic challenge!

So I printed out the examples, and used my muse (a metallic bust) as inspiration for the piece. Here's what I came up with and I'm glad to say that he loves it! Yea!

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